People often ask me what the most important thing is to know or learn about divorce when confronted with the possibility of experiencing this most difficult life transition. My response is that there are two fundamental questions to ask.

First Important Question

If you are the one initiating the divorce, the first question to ask is, “What do I think that divorce will do for me?” Often people are mistaken with what divorce will or can accomplish. One client believed that it would allow him to have the ability to parent his teenage sons the way he wanted unencumbered by the other spouse. Another believed that she would be better able to protect her young children from the unsafe driving of an in-law. Yet another client thought it would insulate him from his spouse’s debt obligations. Yet divorce rarely results in any of these outcomes.

At the same time that people overestimate what divorce can accomplish in certain areas, they underestimate the negative impact divorce may have on not only themselves, but on all affected family members. Judith Wallerstein’s research on children of divorce has shown that its effects continue to be present in children even 25 years after their parents’ divorce. So it is very important to be thoughtful and conscious when making the decision to divorce.

If you are the non-initiator of the divorce, the first question to ask is, “How possible and how interested am I in working to make this marriage better?” If your spouse is already out the door, then your answer is probably “not very possible.” In Illinois, while it takes two people to get married, it only takes one to divorce. So even if you don’t want it, you probably aren’t going to be able to stop it. If they are not out the door, then there is a lot more to consider. Finding and working with a good marriage counselor or therapist is one approach to working through that gray area. Another component would be for you and your spouse to work with a specially trained coach to put your marriage on project status.

The Next Important Question

If the decision to divorce has been made by you or your spouse, the next important question is “What are my goals for my divorce?” While many people get focused only on the outcomes –asset division, support amounts, and parenting; thinking about the process you use to get to those outcomes will have an enormous impact on how pleasant your future family gatherings- graduations, weddings, grandchildren’s birthdays, etc – will be, how empty your wallet is and how your divorce agreements meets the needs of you and your children. Which process you use will also determine, to a great extent, how much control you have over your divorce in terms of privacy, timing, divorce agreement content and the selection and use of professionals.

In Illinois, the most common processes to get divorced are: litigation (most common), mediation (next most common), collaborative divorce (newest process), and Pro Se (you represent yourself).

Litigation
Most people are familiar with the litigation process. This process is based on an adversarial system where you negotiate through your lawyers. Typically the first action in this process is that your case is filed in court which, in effect, hands over control of the case to the judge who sets the timetable and, in the absence of an agreement, makes the final decisions. If either parent requests sole custody, that usually results in custody evaluations being required, which add to the case’s cost, length and acrimony. When spouses are unable to cooperate or unwilling to take responsibility for their decisions, this is a process that requires neither.

Mediation
Another common process is mediation. Here, you and your spouse meet with a mediator and you each negotiate for yourselves how you want to allocate your assets and liabilities, spousal and child support, parenting arrangement (custody) and parenting time (visitation). One common pitfall of this process is the expectation that the mediator will insure that the agreement is equitable. The mediator’s role is to facilitate an agreement between the spouses, not to insure that it is equitable. For that reason, it is important for each spouse to hire their own attorney early in the process so each may become educated about what “equitable” means and to have a “thought partner” to prepare for the mediation sessions. It can also be helpful to have a coach or therapist serve as a “thought partner” on parenting issues. When spouses are able to cooperate, have a relatively equal power balance, are comfortable negotiating and are able to be accountable for their decisions, the mediation process allows for control of the process, the timing, the outcome and privacy at a cost that is typically less than litigation.

Collaborative Divorce
The newest divorce process is called collaborative divorce which started being offered in Illinois about 10 years ago. In this process, you and your spouse use specially trained lawyers, and other advisors as needed, including divorce coaches, a financial specialist and a child specialist, to help you reach an out-of-court agreement. In fact, the lawyers sign an agreement which requires them to withdraw from the case if an agreement cannot be reached. The goal is to solve problems jointly using the appropriate professionals for the task at hand. Often, the parenting arrangements and parenting time are discussed with the coaches, looking at the needs and concerns of both parents and children and once determined, the elements of the agreement are given to the lawyers to put into the necessary legal format. The financial information is gathered by the spouses and brought to a specially trained financial neutral who creates a marital balance sheet, budgets and provides financial scenarios for the future well-being of all family members. Spouses who are more comfortable negotiating with the support of a team, are able to work for the good of all family members, who are able to let go of some smaller short term issues in order to achieve their most important goals and who can benefit from the additional support of coaches and financial neutrals are good candidates for this process. Collaborative Divorce allows for control of the process, the privacy and the timing and usually provides the most comprehensive and customized outcome at a cost that is typically less than litigation but more than mediation.

Pro Se
This process is typically used when the case is simple, the assets few and/or the resources are limited. It is the least expensive process.

Final Thoughts

It is so easy to believe you know what divorce will do for you and to start a process that will leave you coming up short of your goals. Before you begin, ask yourself these critical questions and get accurate answers. The key to a successful outcome is identifying and understanding your long term goals and making sure that the road you choose can take you where you want to go.

Kate van Dyke, M.A., P.C.C.
Divorce Counseling and Coaching, Inc.
kvandyke@divorcecc.com
847.275.4643

© 2010 Kate van Dyke, Divorce Counseling and Coaching, Inc.
The above information is provided for educational purposes only and is not to be considered as legal advice.

Whether it’s a simple wedding on the beach in Evanston or an elaborate affair at the Intercontinental downtown, summer is the season for beautiful ceremonies, both outdoors and in. Over the past dozen years, I’ve traveled from Joliet to Gurnee (as well as Michigan and Indiana) to assist with wonderful weddings, and my busiest days are ahead. Since every ceremony I’m part of is different, something new is always happening — and my brain cells get to grow new synapses with every one.

These days, couples often want to include their dog(s) as part of the wedding. The fourleggeds usually act as symbolic ring bearers, walking in with an additional bridal party member and either staying for the reception or getting chauffeured home after the actual ceremony. It’s a treat to have them there — it lends an air of sweetness and fun that guests always appreciate.

A couple of years ago, I had the unique honor of working with Payton, a border collie. This older and very intelligent dog was sitting with a family friend in the back row on the aisle — and he was much more than a symbolic ring bearer. He was the star of the show! When I turned to the best man for the rings, he said: “Payton, come!”, and whistled. Payton ran right up the aisle to the best man’s feet, carrying the rings in a little pouch on his collar. Excellent! I told them I would love Payton to be at all my weddings!

I am often asked what is social media and how does it apply to businesses? My response is this: social media (Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter and blogs) are vehicles to drive traffic to your Website. Once a potential client arrives, a well-designed Website will help to sell your product or service.

Social media provide ways to use word-of-mouth to advertise your business. People take recommendations about products and services from their friends. When you choose a movie to see, you probably read a review about it or it was recommended by a friend. Social media expand your audience. For example, you have people on Facebook who are fans of your business. When you post an update or announcement on your Facebook fan page, it shows up on the News Feed page of your fans so their friends see those updates, thus your audience has now grown to include your fans’ friends.

Social media channels allow you to interact with your customers this way so they get to know you and learn to trust you. Over time, they are more likely to buy from you. Posting updates of interest to your clients, like tips, provides value.  The main thing to remember is that people don’t want to feel that you are marketing to them, but that they are benefitting from your updates.

Significantly, social media allow you to reach a broad audience because your business can appear in the results of a search in Google or another search engine. A blog is a big help in this area, but it is also valid for Twitter. You can increase the chances of being found in searches by submitting your blog to the following sites:  www.technorati.com,  www.blogarama.com, www.pingomatic.com, www.alltop.com, www.digg.com and www.stumbleupon.com.  Include links to any companies to which you refer in your post.  Whenever possible, use your keywords (the search terms someone would enter into a search engine to find what you sell) in your blog post and in your title. Always find ways to include a link to your Website in your blog post but, as mentioned previously, try to be subtle in doing so: You don’t want to come across too aggressively.

General Strategies for using social media

1. Your fundamental social media strategy is to increase sales by driving traffic to your Website. The more often you add posts (i.e., updates, articles) to  your social media sites, the more your clients, fans, and other contacts see what you have to say. If you make your posts of a relationship-building nature (share expertise, reviews, etc.), your contacts will have reason to come back time and again to view your posts.
2. Being successful at social networking requires active engagement. Post entries to your blog at least once a week. Post updates to Twitter, Facebook, and LinkedIn at least twice a week. A link to your blog post can be one of these posts.
3. Put a mailing list sign-up box on your Website, Facebook Fan Page, and newsletter that is linked directly to your email service (Vertical Response, Constant Contact, etc.).
4. Put links to your social media sites on your Website.
5. Include a monthly or bi-monthly e-newsletter in your social media campaign. Send this to everyone on your mailing list, even if they are following you on Twitter, a fan of your Facebook page, or a connection on LinkedIn. Include links to your social media sites and to your Website so the newsletter acts as another means of drawing people to your message.
6. Keep a notebook, and be sure to write down ideas as they occur to you for your various social media outlets. That way you’ll have a reservoir of subjects available to blog or post about, and you won’t find yourself scrambling at the last minute to come up with an idea.
7. There are sites like www.SocialOomph.com and www.Ping.fm and www.HootSuite.com that allow you to send updates to a variety of social media sites at once. It’s worth checking them out to see which one suits you.
8. Build a professional profile and be personable. Include a photo of yourself. While the photo doesn’t have to be taken by a professional photographer, it should be professional in nature. A photo of you at a party with a glass in your hand looking a little worse for wear doesn’t present a professional image. If you wish to share photos like that then your Facebook album is the place for that. Do remember that you can adjust the settings for your albums so that you control who sees what photos.

Sue Boedeker
Valley Virtual Assistance
www.valley-virtual-assistance.com

In the popular movie “Up in the Air,” downsizing expert Ryan Bingham shares one of his many philosophies for living a smooth, efficient life: 

“Never get behind old people,” he tells the fresh-faced MBA he’s been assigned to train as they approach an airport security line. “Their bodies are littered with hidden metal and they never seem to appreciate how little time they have left…” 

Then, spotting what he believes to be the quickest security line, he exclaims:

“Bingo!  Asians!   They pack light, travel efficiently and they have a thing for slip-on shoes, god love them.”

 “That’s racist!” blurts the stunned MBA.   To which Ryan replies confidently, “I’m like my mother.  I stereotype.  It’s….faster.”

This brilliant scene exposes a dirty little truth.  We stereotype, don’t we?  The brain scientists would probably tell us it’s a biologically-based way to cut through the clutter.  Our internal computer uses past experience to make assumptions, so we can concentrate on what’s truly new and different in a situation.  It probably used to help us survive. I’m not excusing stereotyping, just remarking on it.  Whatever its primitive roots, nowadays it’s more often an abhorrent, misleading mechanism.

But then there is the matter of gender differences.  A few years ago, we all staunchly denied there were any real differences between men and women.  Sure, we could observe a few things, but those were due to society’s differing expectations, and the difference in upbringing (“nurture”).  Now science is helping to sort through and identify some neurologically-based differences.  Regardless of the source, be it “nature” or “nurture,” I’m curious to hear what you may have observed or experienced about how men and women are different at work. 

So, if you will momentarily allow yourself to get over your fear of stereotyping, please tell me what differences you have noticed in the ways men and women behave at work?  How do women lead differently than men?  How do they team differently?  What do men managers just fail to understand about working with women?  Go on, say it, it might just be the truth….

….and don’t be shy about telling a story that illustrates your point….

Paula McLeod

paula@worth-a-thousand-words.com

These days, with so many houses on the market, to get your house sold, there are two things you MUST do:  1) price it right, after carefully analyzing comparable houses for sale; and 2) make sure it shows better than the other houses in its price range. What that means is that it should look cleaner, lighter, brighter, more spacious, more up to date and in better condition than its competition. If you don’t think you can outshine the other homes in your price range, you should probably think about lowering your price.

The tough part is figuring out which of all the possible improvements you can do will be the mot cost-effective. Where should you spend your time and money to get the most bang for the buck? There’s a fair chance, if you bought your home in the last 3-5 years, that its current market value is less than what you paid. So the last thing you want to do is make expensive renovations that won’t pay out. Putting in a new kitchen or bath usually falls into this category. But there are lots of small changes and improvements you can make that will add up to big buyer appeal. Here are my top ten:

1. The exterior is the first thing a prospective buyer will see, so make sure it looks great. Remember, if buyers are turned off by the outside of your house, chances are they’ll never bother to look at the inside. So make sure the yard is cleaned up, all tools and toys are put away, leaves are raked, beds are freshly mulched and bushes pruned. Add seasonal plantings to pots by the front door for added color and charm.
2. Make your entry way sparkle. It sets the tone for the rest of the buyer’s tour. Give your front door and surrounding trim a fresh coat of paint. Polish or replace the doorknocker and door handle. Remove cobwebs and dead insects from corners and light fixtures.
3. Replace dated house numbers, porch light fixtures, mailbox and doorbell, selecting a style that is consistent with the style of the house.
4. If your kitchen looks worn or outdated, don’t put big money into replacing or refacing cabinets. Often just a coat of paint in a light, neutral color, plus new cabinet hardware and drawer pulls, can make a kitchen look like new for less than $200.
5. Paint the interior walls. Nothing will give you more bang for your decorating buck than a fresh coat of paint. Keep it neutral but don’t go with plain white, which can be stark and institutional-looking. Instead choose a warm beige or taupe. Benjamin Moore has some great options in its Historical Colors collection. I’ve had success with Powell Buff (HC-35), Philadelphia Cream (HC-30) and Putnam Ivory (HC-39).  Another trick with paint is to keep all connecting rooms in the same color family, as this helps the interior spaces flow better and seem more spacious.
6. Replace outdated light fixtures, especially in bathrooms and kitchen. Ditch those “Hollywood” style lights and old fluorescent fixtures. Look at the Pottery Barn catalog for inspiration, but buy the fixtures at a home center. You can get simple and classic styles very inexpensively.
7. If you have hardwood floors underneath carpet, you should remove the carpet and refinish the wood floors if they need it. Often though, the floors have been protected by the carpet and won’t need refinishing. Where there is no hardwood underneath, replace the carpet if it is dark or dated looking. Have it professionally cleaned if it’s neutral but just dirty.
8. Hire a handyman to come in for a couple hours and take care of all those small repairs you have been meaning to get to (leaky faucets, creaky doors, etc). The inspector will point these out even if the buyer doesn’t notice, so you will end up fixing it anyway. You don’t want to give the buyer the impression that the place hasn’t been maintained or that there may be other bigger problems awaiting them.
9. Have the windows professionally cleaned, inside and out. You will be amazed how much lighter and brighter your rooms look.
10. De-clutter and rearrange. Most of us have too much stuff and all that stuff makes a house feel small and cramped. You can make your rooms (and closets) appear larger just by emptying them of 50% of their contents. Pack away collections, papers and memorabilia and donate clothes and other items you no longer use. Then edit your furniture and make sure there is nothing blocking the traffic flow between and through rooms.

If you do a combination of these things you can make your home more appealing to buyers and improve you chances of a quick sale. You can read more about the return on investment of various home improvement projects here.

Anne West
Redesign Doctor
www.NorthShoreViews.com

As you may have heard, the American Dialect Society recently announced their 2009 Word of the Year, as well as their Word of the Decade.  Not surprisingly, “Tweet” was selected as Word of the Year.  Even less surprising was the Word of the Decade.  Beating out such nominees as “9/11”, “green”, “the war on terror”, and “blog”, the word for the first decade of the new millennium was “Google”. 

Both winners serve as inarguable proof that we are truly living in a digital era.  Maybe you don’t have to tweet, but if you aren’t focusing on Search Engine Optimization (SEO) to improve your website’s search visibility, you may be damaging the growth of your business.

High search rankings aren’t easy to achieve, and the challenge is increasing as more and more businesses engage in SEO.  Adding to that challenge is the continual evolution of the SEO landscape.  If you are actively optimizing your website for search (or not), what are some of the important changes you can expect to see in SEO for 2010?

Page Speed

Google recently announced that they will begin using Page Load Speed as part of their ranking algorithm for organic (natural) search.  The size of the web is creating massive scalability issues, and slow sites take Google and other search engines longer to index.  Although fast-loading pages have always enjoyed advantages in search and usability, the importance of speed will become far more pronounced this year.  

Page Speed is influenced by a number of factors – the speed of your web server, the number of HTTP requests required to render the page, the file size of your images, the amount of code clutter, etc.  If you’d like to check the load speed of your pages, both Google and Yahoo offer free tools to do that.

Personalization

We are seeing increased growth in the personalization of search results.  In other words, the listings you pull up for a search query may be different from the listings I pull up with the exact same search query.  This is because your previous search history influences your next set of search results.  The implication here is that you need to have a larger footprint across the web.  In other words, optimize for variations on your keyword phrases and be found in multiple sources, including social media.

Localization

Localization is also growing in importance.  If you operate locally, you must optimize for the search results in your geographical area. Make sure you are listed in the local results in Google Maps (www.google.com/local/) and other search engines.

Of course, search engines change their ranking algorithms on an on-going basis, and many smaller changes are implemented regularly.  So, as always, don’t forget the basic tenets of optimizing your site for search:

1. Create ample, relevant content for your visitors
2. Update or add to your content regularly
3. Promote your site through high-quality, relevant inbound links from other sites

If you want to convert more prospects into leads and generate more business, the first step is to attract visitors to your website.  The rewards of SEO will more than justify the effort.

Tammy Hartweg
Spritz Web Solutions
www.spritzweb.com

There we are,  a New Year… and new resolutions?

For many of us they are the same every year: start to exercise and loose weight. Why do we have difficulty achieving these goals? In case of exercise, often we get to the gym or boot camp, purchase an expensive exercise tape or go to a personal trainer etc. We are so full of enthusiasm and energy to get the effects fast that sometimes it might result in a new injury or it could bringing on an old, unhealed injury. Then the pain starts, sometimes goes away, sometimes doesn’t. What to do?

Stop the activity – that’s often the first advice, but why? Why should you stop something that you really want to accomplish this year?

There seems to be a common misperception about pain responses to movement and activity. We hear statements like “no pain, no gain!” or “if it hurts, don’t do it!”  These statements are often conflicting and can be confusing as how to respond to pain. Let’s start with the basics!

Many tissues in the body contain pain receptors which warn us of possible damage. Pain receptors are effected by 2 types of stimuli;

- Sufficient concentrations of chemicals -  inflammatory cells causing a chemical pain can last up to  5-7 days after the injury. During that time more of the rest then exercise would be recommended.

- Mechanical forces – which stretch or deform the tissue.

Myth: If I still have pain after an injury I haven’t healed yet.

Fact: After 2-3 weeks pain is usually the result of stretching of contracted scar tissue which is a mechanical pain.

Musculo-skeletal problems causing mechanical pain all need to be treated by movement, some form of therapeutic exercise.  Just as medication is dependent on the type and severity of the disease, the TYPE of exercise depends on the type of musculo-skeletal problem.

Mechanical pain is strongly influenced by position and movement, tends to refer to areas distant from its source such as pain felt down the arm or down the leg. That could be a referred pain or  a radicular pain.

What is referred pain? Referred pain is felt in a location other than the origin of an injury. When someone has a neck injury, they can feel pain into the shoulder, shoulder blade, head, arm or hand. In case of a lower back, pain can be felt down the leg, into your toes.

Radicular pain – indicates that the spinal nerve has been injured. This is called cervical radiculopathy for cervical nerves and lumbar radiculopathy or sciatica for lumbar nerves.

Do you like to be in control of your own healthcare? Do you want to avoid surgery, painful procedures or expensive tests? Do you want to exercise safely to keep your body in a healthy condition?

Rules to continue activity in presence of pain:

There are several rules for pain that can help prevent injury or allow for healing of the painful condition:

1. Pain is a symptom and acts as a warning signal – don’t ignore the signals.  
2. Pain gradually lessens or does not worsen with activity.
3. The range of movement either improves or stays the same but does not GET LESS.
4. Pain stops soon after the exercise is finished!
5. If symptoms worsen during or remain worse after exercise or activity, you must see a

   healthcare provider to evaluate your condition.

In order to remain physically healthy and to heal correctly from an injury you might experience pain at times. If you follow the rules of pain then you can be confident you will not injure yourself.

To really make a better future, you need to keep moving — whether through walking, physical training or sports activities. Stick to your New Year”s Resolution, stay active and exercise safely.

If you have difficulty performing certain activities due to pain restrictions or if you are not sure what type of condition you are dealing with and want to know specifically what to do to get faster results consult physical therapist specializing in Mechanical Diagnosis and Therapy.

In the end, it’s like finding a good doctor, a good dentist, or a good mechanic – it’s not easy. Get a referral from a source you trust!

How did we get to the end of one decade and the start of the next?  It does not seem possible that it has been ten years since the turn of the century.   Newspapers, magazines, and the internet are filled with stories listing the biggest changes in the last ten years.  In 1999 we hadn’t heard of Facebook or I-pods or begun Googling each other.  The economy was flying high, tanked, recovered, and crashed again.  What a decade!

The start of a new decade gives us the opportunity to reflect on where we are and where we intend to go.  One of the most difficult things for human beings to do is to change.  We dread it, avoid it, hide from it, but change is inevitable and time keeps moving.

Let’s take advantage of our human nature.   Make a New Year’s resolution, but make it small.  So small that it is almost impossible not to succeed.  People ask me when they should start saving for retirement or for their child’s education.  How about now?  When the baby is born, put those early gifts into an account;  add to it with birthday gifts.  Encourage grandparents to consider savings bonds.  Take advantage of tax deferral and open a 529 or Coverdell savings plan.  Have an automatic payment made every month out of your checking account.  Soon saving for education will be a habit for you and your child.

Don’t have an emergency fund?  Save your coins in a jar on your dresser.  When it is full open a small account.  Every month those coins go in that account.  Put those little windfalls like rebate checks and tax refunds into that account, too.  Before you know it you will be in the habit of saving.

Do you have a 401-k plan at work?  Sign up, even if you can only put in 1% of your income.  If you get a raise, bump up your contribution.  Depending on your income level and tax status, you might be able to fund a traditional or Roth IRA.  If you are over 50, the government allows you to put even more away.  Let human nature work for you and set up an automatic payment.

Take one little step this January, head down the path and hopefully in December 2019, you will be saying:  “Where did the decade go?  I may be 10 years older, but look at what 10 years of saving can do!”

Have a very Happy, Healthy, and Prosperous New Year!

Jean M. Diamond CPA

847-441-3391

Like any project a person begins (buying a car, figuring out where to go on vacation, etc), a certain amount of research work is needed to find the right item which also fits your budget.  Home Renovation is certainly no different.

Most homeowners start construction projects without figuring out all the details and then their budgets easily run over and their timeline is blown.  This happens in both Do-It-Yourself and contracted projects – where architects and contractors are hired to define and build the work.  But why does this happen even when professionals are hired to help? 

Professionals offer many different levels of service.  An architect/engineer/designer is generally hired to provide a set of drawings to your municipality to obtain the building permit.  But a set of drawings that only covers  the “Life Safety Issues” (fire-rated walls, required exits out of the home, etc) that gets you your permit, doesn’t include the detail needed for a successful project in the field. 

By hiring your architect to provide a more detailed set of drawings, you ensure that your project will stay more on track financially.  The contractors will know the level of finishes that they will need to install and give a more accurate bid.  You will become aware of the costs of your finish materials (backsplash tile, wood floors, soaking tub) and make sure they fall within your budget before any work is done.  Make sure the details are there for EVERYTHING.  For example when specifying kitchen cabinets you need to define: wood type, door profile, drawer glides, door pulls and pull location, stain and poly finish, cabinet layout with  appliances, when the doors are closed are they flush within the cabinet frame or do they sit forward of the frame, etc.  The most important thing a homeowner needs to do is define the details.

Become involved in your project as much as possible to keep costs down.  Show magazine pictures to help designers understand what look you want.  Get application forms from the city to submit drawings for permit and take the drawings to the building department yourself.  Price materials and get a sense of the costs to see if they are within your budget early in the design process.  Get things highly defined and planned well before any work begins.  This will prevent any unforeseen change orders, that can add to the cost of a job.

Your due diligence will keep your project on budget and finished on time. 

Karyl Doran

Dwell Development

Cross purposes? They don’t have to be. Food is an important part of the gathering, along with family and friends.  Holiday get-togethers can be a way to reconnect with your appetite as well as those around you. What an opportunity to engage all of your senses and enhance your celebration!

Savor all that delicious food not just with your mouth, but with your eyes, nose, AND stomach! Your heart and mind will be rewarded as well because you are celebrating with family and friends, and you will foster confidence that you can do this! A few pre-party considerations will help steer you through the temptations…during the holidays and in the future.

This is the beginning of mindful, thoughtful eating—eating to nourish more than just stomach hunger. Use the suggestions below for mindful holiday eating.

Chew on this. Another definition of ‘chew’ is to consider, deliberate, mull over. Kind of like mindful eating!

Before the party, try this at home with one of your favorite foods. Choose something you snack on when you are in a hurry. For example take a few raisins or dried cranberries, a piece of chocolate, a few nuts or a piece of fruit. Hold the food in your mouth-no chewing- for about 30 seconds while taking note of the sensation on your tongue, taste, or lack of taste and how the taste changes. Now, take another 30 seconds to chew the food and notice any changes. Chew very slowly to experience the sensations and tastes. What is different about this familiar food?

Time to entertain your eyes, nose and mouth

You’re at a party and the table is LOADED with food. How can you be mindful now? Slow down and notice your surroundings…the music, the people, the aromas.

 Your eyes peruse the goodies and are satisfied by the beauty of the display of food, the festive surroundings. Your nose delights in the fragrances of food, candles or other scents. Savor with your eyes and nose to decide what your favorites are. After carefully looking at all the food available, choose which foods are going to satisfy your hunger.

 Now, it’s time to get a plate and let your mouth join in the fun. Don’t drool! Choose a few of your favorites. The advantage is that you can have a small amount of several goodies.

 Savor

Savoring food can mean quicker satisfaction, fewer calories and better nutrition. Part of savoring means chewing and the benefits of chewing are many. Digestion starts in your mouth with chewing; saliva breaks down food which releases nutrients. Nutrients are absorbed in bloodstream more quickly which contributes to feeling full. Your mouth is more satisfied from the experience of different textures & flavors.

 Hormones make you satisfied

By eating healthy unsaturated fats (nuts, olives, avocados, canola oil and fish) you will help your body release leptin, a hormone released by fat cells. Leptin is important because it is one of the triggers to say you are full.  The message takes about 20 minutes for your brain to realize…”Oh, I’m full!” or “Oh, I’ve eaten too much!”

 Two items to avoid, because they inhibit leptin: saturated fats (found in animal fats such as red meat, butter, cheese & whole milk products) and alcohol. 

 Your stomach is satisfied by the variety of food as well as the quantity. Chewing food makes the rest of the digestion process easier.  A balance of carbohydrates (starches), protein (nuts, dairy, meat, fish) and a small amount of fat (usually in animal fat and sweets) is satisfying to your body. Aim for some of each to enhance your satisfaction.

 Alcohol and liquid calories

A glass of wine or a drink is certainly part of the festivities and can be a part of mindful consumption. As with food, there are a few considerations to keep in mind.

 Alcohol has calories too! Higher alcohol content equals higher calories. As a general guideline, each drink (6 ounces of wine, 12 ounces of beer or 1.5 ounces of liquor) has at least 100 calories. Many glasses of wine and hard liquor can be well over that amount, so plan accordingly!

 Don’t forget the calories in soda, mixers and juice. Although I don’t think it is necessary to count calories, it is necessary to understand the impact of drinks—alcoholic and non—in your daily consumption.

 Limit your self to 2 drinks and alternate with seltzer, club soda or water with a lime/lemon.

 Other tips

Eat a small meal or filling snack before going to the party. You will be less likely to overeat if you aren’t starving when you get there.

 Offer to make a side dish.  You have control of the ingredients and know what’s in it.

 Eat just half of that big cookie or piece of cake.

 Don’t stand at the table of food-too many temptations!

 How good you will feel

There are so many advantages to taking control of holiday eating.  You will feel good in the morning because you are confident in your abilities to manage all the temptations—and avoid overindulging in food and drink. How proud you will be to have negotiated the holiday table with finesse.

Polly Wilson, RN, MSN, Certified Wellness Coach

Delight in Healthy Living, Wellness Coaching

polly@dhlcoaching.com